Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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