we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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