WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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