we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
