the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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