if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
