Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
