I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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