So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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