Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
