He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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