WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
