Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
