last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i out mim tonsoeep
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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