How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
