I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
