I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
