I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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