I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
