remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
