last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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