I can text with my tongue
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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