I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
