Umm I'm too high to move.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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