and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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