I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
