she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
