he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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