She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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