Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
