I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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