there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
