weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
