So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
