I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
