What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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