I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
