no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
