dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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