I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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