Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
