Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
