Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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