whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
