he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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