eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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