brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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