It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
