you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
