i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
