your room smells of hookers.
And success
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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